sábado, 29 de agosto de 2009

District 9

An alien ship arrived in Johannesburg, South Africa and a race of locust-like extraterrestrials have been forced to live as second-class citizens. They live in squalor and poverty, as they are forced to move from their homes and live separately from the humans that treat them like shit and abuse them constantly. All of this, while the aliens are trying to find a way to go home. The plot starts in when one of the humans, who had previously worked against the aliens, is now infected with a liquid that is slowly turning him into a man/alien hybrid, and everybody is out looking for him.
One of the most powerful science fiction movies to come out since the original Blade Runner, much of it’s power comes from Neil Blomkamp’s choice of using a cinema verite style and making it look as much like a documentary as possible. Probably the first thing that has to be said is the wise choice of casting the film in South Africa, where there are many illusions to the Apartheid and what is going on with the aliens here. The two main aliens, father and son, trying to find their way home, is very touching. You actually pity the poor aliens and their choice of trying to rebel against the creatures, while you also can understand why the aliens want to trade arms and form gangs for self-defense and feeding reasons. It has to be said that the Aliens look very realistic, even with the CG that is used on them. For many sequences I stopped looking at animation itself and felt I was really watching an alien soap opera. They are also pretty damn good actors. The movie is also very grotesque, in ways I wasn’t expecting: there is a lot of gross and gore elements, especially with the particular transformation of a man into ‘roach’ that add to the realism of the film.
This movie has already become a box-office hit, and has been better received than the trash of the Transformer and Terminator sequels that came out this year. This movie will rank with films like Blade Runner, John Carpenter’s The Thing and the first two Alien films as some of the best the genre has to offer, and I look forward to Mr. Blomkamp’s future films.


I’ve been a follower of Troma since I first heard of them when I was a teenager and watched the original Toxic Avenger on a very shitty VHS (remember those?!?). I was amazed by how much energy it contained, the action, the music, and more importantly, the cheap special effects and gore. I knew I had found a movie studio that was close to my heart. I followed them and watched everything they made, and after 30 years, it can be said that Poultrygeist is their greatest achievement yet, combining everything that made them great, but with a level of professionalism and greatness that was seldom seen.
The story is simple: Arbie, a young dweeb with a tiny penis, gets angry over seeing his former high school sweetheart Wendy (Kate Graham) being the lover of a ultra-liberal, angry, protesting feminazi lesbian. So, he joins their object of protest: a fast food joint named American Chicken Bunker. But all is not well, as the restaurant was built over ancient Indian burial ground, and soon enough the spirits of both the Indians and the slaughtered chickens come back from their graves to possess the living and destroy the world. Arbie, with his motley crew of co-workers, must protect Wendy from the evil chicken monsters.
In typical Troma fashion, there is absolutely no political correctness to sour the proceedings. There’s jokes about puke, diarrhea, the fast food industry, the Muslims, racism, and giant zombie chickens. The gore and blood flows like rivers, and the movie is full of energy and anarchy, even more so than Terror Firmer or the Toxic Avenger films. It’s the pinnacle achievement in Troma’s career, and like their most famous previous films, it will become a classic of the underground cinema movement. Don’t miss it.

Rocktober Blood

Billy Eye (Tray Loren) is the lead singer for the heavy metal band Rocktober Blood. He’s also, apparently, a disturbed individual who kills everyone in the recording studio, with the exception of her back up singer, Lynn (Donna Scoggins). After Lynn fingers him to the police and Billy is executed, two years pass and Lynn is the lead singer of the band. Counting the days till the big concert, Billy begins to re-appear in Lynn’s life, and killing those around her. Could this really be Billy, or is something much more sinister going on?
Here’s the problem with the metal/horror subgenre: there’s no way to make a movie in this genre and keep it serious. First of all, all the movies are incredibly dated by their eighties time period, a time when people really thought it was some sort of satanic music. Second, they’re all cheesy as hell. Trick or Treat, Rock N’ Roll Nightmare, Hard Rock Zombies, they’re all funny and cheesy but hardly scary. This movie is no exception. In fact, it might be the most ridiculous of them all, thanks to Tray Loren and his character of Billy Eye. If you ever wanted to hear someone with the most obnoxious laugh ever, here he is. It’s like fingernails through a chalkboard. He’s constantly mugging as well, with bad Ziggy Stardust makeup and red bandanas that make him like he should be in a Loverboy cover band than a speed metal band. The rest of the cast doesn’t fare well better. Every member of the cast looks like they were picked from bad community theatre, and forced to look like Eighties’ metalheads. There are half-assed attempts at terror and gore, but none are very memorable, not even a particular dismembering.
The best part of the movie comes in the last act, with the concert sequences. The music is pretty damn cool, provided by the band Sorcery, and Billy goes around killing victims with a microphone/sword that are tied to the stage. The ending, with Billy being electrocuted and singing his high note at the same time, seems almost like a parody of Beef’s death in The Phantom Of The Paradise (one of my favorites). In the end, this is a fun cheesy fare, and you’ll be singing Rainbow Eyes long after the movie’s done.

Reign Of Fire

Here’s a movie I never say when came out and never really wanted to watch. I’m a huge monster movie fan, but I couldn’t give myself to watch this, even with it’s famous cast and special effects. But I had a friend, who has an unhealthy fetish for dragons and dragon statues, who said I should watch it, so I decided to do so. Boy do I regret it. There is little to no plot. It’s basically about a bunch of survivors in a Mad Max-like world, only instead of marauding Aussie gangs there’s giant fucking dragons who have destroyed the world and eat whoever they see. It’s kind of a ripoff, since the poster you see below seems like they’re destroying a city, but the only cities destroyed are on photoshopped pictures on newspapers made to tell back-story.
The acting is competent from a cast that know better than this. Christian Bale here is a lot friendlier than his recent characters from the Batman/Terminator movies, and looks pretty cool with a scruffy beard, but he basically has nothing to do except act with authority and look intense. Izabella Scorupco, the former Bond girl, lends the typical hot piece of ass, and Gerard Butler appears as his typical goofy self. I swear, even in 300 I can’t help but laugh at his accent. Then there’s the walking joke known as Matthew McCoughnahey, and as you might expect, he chews the scenery like it was bacon and bullshits constantly about heroism and taking action and killing dragons, blah blah blah. I half expected him to get high on weed and start surfing. The dragons themselves aren’t very memorable, being shown off in bad and uninteresting CGI. The one in Dragonheart looks more realistic than the ones here.
I can only give props to one thing, and that’s the production design. The place does look like it went through a dragon apocalypse. I do get a lot of unintentional giggles from sequences such as a guy who’s parachuting from a helicopter and crashes into the ground at full speed, I couldn’t help but laugh. But in the end this movie is no better than your typical SciFi Channel crap, both in acting and effects, and is as memorable as passing gas.

The Hangover

This is the year’s best comedy by a long shot. I can’t imagine anything coming out after this that could beat it. The story deals with four friends, Doug Phil Stu and Adam, going to the wedding on one of their own, Doug. After the wildest night of their lives in Las Vegas, they wake up with the worst hangover of their lives, and even worse, their friend Doug has disappeared. And so begins their adventure, as they search for Doug and get into all sorts of craziness. I was genuinely surprised at how much I enjoyed this film, since I expected to watch another comedy about someone getting married, but far from it. What makes it work is it’s great cast. Bradley Cooper (from Alias and Midnight Meat Train) plays Phil, the ‘everyman’ who just loves to party and leader of our main trio. He’s good-looking but surprisingly believable. Ed Helms, who I had previously seen only in The Daily Show, is great in his role. He plays Stu, who’s a nervous wreck and ridiculously whipped by his girlfriend, and frustrated by the fact that he’s only a dentist. It all turns to shit for him when he marries a stripper (Heather Graham in a small but memorable role) while intoxicated.
But it’s Zach Galifianakis who steals the show as Stu, a lonely but friendly ‘dude’ who initiates the night of chaos to begin with. He has the best lines and is featured in the best scenes of physical comedy, such as when he receives a punch from Mike Tyson, or when he gets electrocuted by a stun gun to the brain. His ‘gambling’ shtick is awesome as well. I’ve been a fan of his since I first saw him on a stand-up special on Comedy Central, and I wish he had singed a song like he does in his stand-up.
This picture was directed by Todd Phillips, a former underground documentary filmmaker who made the film Hated! With GG Allin and the Murder Junkies and the college documentary Frat House, before becoming a Hollywood player with Road Trip, Old School and Starsky & Hutch. After Hated, this is his best film, and I’m counting the days till the sequel comes out.

Orgasm Torture In Satan's Rape Clinic

I am not a fan of William Hellfire, Factory 2000, Seduction Cinema, etc. Specializing mostly on softcore porn parodies, with the occasional original production once in a while, these movies are mostly a chore to watch. Beautiful women are just not enough, and since the departure of Erin Brown aka Misty Mundae from this genre, it’s been in a serious decline. Ruby LaRocca, one of the veterans, has kept herself busy. She’s actually a very good actress and very beautiful, but this one is not a good example, and I blame that on the director. Hellfire has made such inept exercises of banality such as Vampire Strangler, Duck The Carbine High Massacre, and Lust From The Mummy’s Tomb, and this is no different.
After a boring and unnecessary murder of a naked chick (with a dude wearing what looks like a Papo Swing mask), Ruby LaRocca goes to a rape clinic to recuperate from an attack. But it’s so happens that it’s literally a rape clinic, and Ruby is forced into rape and sex by the doctor and her nurse (played by Darian Caine). There’s a lot of sex and nudity in the film, and Ruby looks great naked, but it does get tedious after a while, especially since it’s softcore. It’s hard softcore, since it does look like she’s receiving penetration, but none of it is seen onscreen, and there’s just so much offscreen sex you can see before you start falling asleep. Darian Caine doesn’t help matters either. She’s very beautiful and I’m sure she’s a great person (based on behind-the-scenes stuff I’ve seen with her), but the woman can’t act to save her life and it hurts my gums to see her act. This movie is pure amateur hour at winn-dixie, with no interest in creating suspense or terror, and more interested in the softcore sex. Sex is fine, but if you want to make something that’s billed as “disturbing” and “horrific”, there’s more to explore.
I say skip this. If you want to watch good softcore films from the same type of cast & crew (and philosophy), I recommend you check the films of Tony Marsiglia, the only director in the whole Seduction Cinema club who seems to give a shit about making movies, with great stuff such as Chantal, Sinful and Suzie Heartless.


It has been a long time since I saw a new ‘evil child’ movie, and this is one of the best to come out since the original Omen. Our story deals with a couple, played by Vera Farmiga and Peter Sarsgaard, who have recently lost their last baby. So, they decide to adopt a child, to accompany their older son and younger, and deaf, little sister. They adopt a very intelligent, very mature and friendly little girl named Esther, born in Eastern Europe but with a very good English accent. Soon, she forms a bond with the family, but she is not perfect, and things start going very wrong very quickly.
This movie received a lot of positive feedback from horror fans, and the controversy surrounding the adoption agencies that got some sand in their vagina peaked my interest, so I decided to finally see it. Better late than never, I guess. And I loved it. The acting is excellent. Vera Farmiga is an excellent actress, as shown in The Departed, and gives a very flawed, very human performance. I was endeered to her character and was behind her 100%. Of course, that helps because of the acting of Isabelle Fuhrman, who plays Esther. Boy, I have hated me some kids in my day, but no kid has received that much hate in my life as this movie one. She is evil, manipulative, and mature in a level way beyond what you would think. Of course, this all adds to a great twist in the third act about who she is, a twist that is genuinely frightening, just one of the best in slasher history.
There are one big flaw, and that’s Peter Sarsgaard’s character. He’s clueless all over and surprisingly dull. When he gets his inevitable demise, you’re hardly surprised. I felt more sorry for Vera’s character, having such a piece of wood for a husband. But still, this is a great horror film, and one of the scariest of the year. Dark Castle finally made one right.

A Perfect Getaway

Cliff (Steve Zahn) and his trophy wife Cydney (Milla Jovovich) go on their honeymoon together in Hawaii (although shot in my island of Puerto Rico). There they find out about the murder of a recently newly-wed couple by another couple. And so, they suspect every couple they see, even the couple they befriend, super soldier Nick (Timothy Olyphant) and Gina (Kiele Sanchez). Suspicions between them arise. Will they be the next victims to be murdered in Hawaii, or is there something darker, more sinister at work? Here’s a movie I had zero aspirations for. Hell I barely knew anything about it, except that it was a thriller. My main reason to go watch it is that it stars Milla Jovovich, who’s one of my favorite actress and would literally watch anything, no matter how bad (like the two horrible Resident Evil sequels). But to my surprise, this is a very well-made psychological thriller featuring a helluva great cast. Jovovich is great as always, showing a very girly, vulnerable spot until revealing her more familiar ‘tough girl’ side in the third act of the film. I’m also a huge fan of Timothy Olyphant, been so since seeing him in Live Free Or Die Hard, and here he doesn’t disappoint, playing the typical badass hero he is. And then there’s Steve Zahn, who always plays a goofy comedic relief, but here he’s pretty damn good, especially in the third act. I talk a lot about the third act of this movie and with good reason, since it’s one of the coolest and most well-done ‘twists’ in a long time. I won’t say anything, but it will grab you by the balls.
Props have to go to David Twohy. He’s a very underrated director who’s made some very good and interesting science fiction films (The Arrival, Pitch Black, Chronicles Of Riddick). He turned something that could have been very routine in the hands of another filmmaker and turned into a very Hitchcockian thrill-ride with lots of style, grace, and violence. So give this one a try, you won’t be disappointed.

martes, 25 de agosto de 2009

The Exterminator

The seventies, and up until the early eighties, was the prime time for revenge films. This movie is one of the last of the cycle3, while at the same time being ahead of it’s time, as it brings the eighties-style action movie into the fold. It’s storyline, about a psychotic Vietnam veteran (played by Robert Gintly) who kills people in the street after the brutal attack and crippling of his best friend (Steve James). His vigilante justice extends not just to the gang that attacked him, but also the the mob in the city, and criminals who have sex with underage boys. Meanwhile, a police agent, played by Christopher George, investigates, being sympathetic toward the vigilante and trying to calm him down.As you can see, the plot is very similar to a movie that would come out four years later, First Blood. And while the first Rambo film, Stallone made the killings to be more in a self-defense way, there’s very little sympathy with the Exterminator. He’s a brutal killer, taking the law into his own hands, and showing no mercy to those who commit crimes. There is a lot of good acting in this film, particularly from Christopher George, who I’ve always loved from his horror films like City Of The Living Dead. Sadly, Robert Gintly, our titular character, is too blonde, blue-eyed and baby-faced to be believable in the role, although to his credit he shows a good amount of intensity in the film. The script and cinematography are very realistic and very gritty, showing the true violence and racism of the streets. So I recommend you watch The Exterminator, it’s an underrated classic and if there was ever a movie that bridged the gap between the action films of the seventies and eighties, it’s this one.

Ingmar Bergman's Persona

A famous actress (Liv Ullmann) suffers from a mental breakdown on stage, and leaves her unable to speak. In comes a nurse (Bibi Andersson) who is assigned to attend her. They both take a trip to the doctor’s private home, as the nurse tries to get the actress out of her spell. But in the loneliness and isolation that surrounds them, both get intimately close, and soon enough, problems begin to arise.
Yes, this is a very thin synopsis, you’ll recognize that if you’ve ever seen the film. But I didn’t want to leave anything away, since this movie actually has a lot to say. Oddly enough, the way I found out about it was quite interesting. I was in high school, and had already seen one Bergman movie, The Seventh Seal. In Blockbuster, of all places, I saw the box of this film, and decided to rent it on the basis of the cover alone. I mean come on, two hot Swedish blondes caressing each other? I was expecting lesbian soft porn! Boy was I wrong. Although it is both intimate and sexual, it’s all internal, shown on the performances of both actresses. Of course, Ingmar Bergman was a genius when it came to handling actors, and it can be seen by the way they react. Look at Ullmann’s pauses as she lies down on the bed, the light fading down, her eyes looking deep into the wall. That’s something you can’t teach in acting school! And look at the sequence in which Bibi Anderson talks about her foursome on the beach. It’s a very difficult scene for anyone to handle, acting and directing-wise, but Bergman handles it masterfully, creating what could be one of the most erotic sequences in film history without showing us any skin. I listened on, holding my breath, as if I was witnessing it myself. It’s incredible.
There’s a point where a lot of people get confused, and I did so myself, and this is the sequences in the beginning, middle and ending of the film where we see a proyector being turned on, flashes of different weird images (like a spider, of the killing of a sheep) to weird scratches of the film and shots of a boy in his underwear. Is this supposed to be Bergman? Is it supposed to be us? Is Bergman trying to make us delve into how filmmaking challenges us psychologically (psychology being a main theme in the film) or is he simply reminding us that this is a movie, and we shouldn’t take it so seriously? Well, watch it and make your own conclusions. It’s a great film and you won’t be disappointed.

Caged Heat

This is one of the most memorable, and sleaziest of the women in prison films of all time. It was also the first one I ever saw, although it’s definitely not the sleaziest (that title would belong to Sadomania). It stars Erica Gavin (of Russ Meyer’s Vixen) as Jacqueline, a young drug dealer who gets arrested and sent to one insane prison. There she meets all kinds of walking clichés, from the bully to the actress and her lesbian lover, and the sensitive blonde. Although there is much animosity between them, they band together to escape and take down the corrupt warden and her Mengele-esque doctor.

This was Jonathan Demme’s first film. He would go on to direct blockbusters like Married To The Mob, Silence Of The Lambs and Philadelphia (and a personal favorite, the documentary Stop Making Sense), but a lot of talent is not very clear in this film. It’s definitely well made, but you wouldn’t think it would come from a future Oscar winner. This is definitely a comic book jail, with the inmates wearing street clothes. There is a lot of nice nudity and violence, but what keeps the film interesting is the casting. Erica Gavin was never a great actress, but she was beautiful and had a lot of on-screen charisma, as you know if you’ve seen Vixen, and here is no different. Then there’s Juanita Brown aka Maggie, who’s saucy and bitchy and hot, in a very exotic way. The rest of the cast sounds like a B-movie convention from the 70’s, with Ella Reid, who never did another movie which sucks because she’s very good, Roberta Collins (Death Race 2000, Eaten Alive), one of my favorites, and porn star Desiree Cousteau in a small role, and the beautiful and tragic Cheryl Rainbeaux Smith (Lemora, Swinging Cheerleaders). Also is the Queen of Italian horror, Barbara Steele, as a sexually repressed warden. So if you like women in prison films, this will definitely be up your alley.

Espiritu De La Colmena

It’s 1940 in a small village of Spain, and Ana Torrent plays Anna, a six year old with a huge imagination. After watching a screening of Universal’s Frankenstein, Anna is told by her older sister, Isabel, that the monster is alive in spirit form in an old abandoned house. After being shown the house, Anna takes different pilgrimages towards the place to see the creature, until one day she sees the blood of a soldier she had recently befriended. In a state of shock, she runs away.

This is one of the best movies I’ve seen in my life, taking the wonder of being a child with a very serious adult story. Ana Torrent gives one of the best, and most realistic, child performances ever given in a film. She doesn’t express much, but her eyes say it all. Everybody else in the film is great as well. But what drives the story is not just Ana herself, but the cinematography. Luis Cuadrado, who was going blind at the time, didn’t let his disease stop him, and made a beautiful mix of browns and golden colors, giving a feeling of a beehive, and honey, something that is part of the father’s income.

A lot of psychological turmoil is presented in the film. First off, there is the growing distance between Ana and her sister, who is growing up and making new friends, and not interested in spending time with her little sister. A lot of this is illustrated in the sequence where Ana sees Isabel and her friends play in the fire, and looks on in sadness. I also liked the soldier’s subplot, as it reveals a real ‘fuck you’ to the regime of General Franco. He was still alive at the time so I’m surprised they were able to get away with it. And of course, being the monster fan that I am, I got a kick of watching the Frankenstein clips and audio, recognizing the scenes, and seeing the father in the Frankenstein makeup. This movie is a masterpiece and should not be missed.


This is one of the best films in the German silent cinema, and that’s saying a lot, considering it’s a field full of masterpieces. FW Murnau really pushed the medium of film in a way he never had before, and in many ways, didn’t until his death in the early thirties. Many consider Sunrise to be his best film, while Nosferatu gets all the fame, and both with good reason, but I must admit that my personal favorite has to go to this one.
The story deals with Faust, an old doctor who is trying to save the people in his village from a plague spread by Satan himself. When an Angel stops him, Satan challenges the angel to a bet: corrupt a man enough to denounce God and Satan will rule the Earth. So, he sets on his mission. Faust invokes him as a last desperate chance for help, and he appears in his new name and guise, Mephistopheles. Mephistopheles then tries to corrupt him as much as possible, even turning him into a young and lustful man, but something Mephistopheles didn’t expect happens: Faust falls in love with the young daughter of one of his patients. Mephistopheles decides to take advantage of this situation, and sets in motion the destruction of Faust.
This movie is very bleak, especially after the girl is introduced as a character. Mephistopheles literally does everything horrible imaginable to this woman, but in the end, as both the girl and Faust burn together in love, Mephistopheles loses his bet, as they both join together in love and goodness. The movie has a lot of style, and some amazing set pieces. The most amazing came at the beginning of the film, with the giant Satan looming over the city, spreading the plague with it’s huge wings. The invocation sequence is also pretty amazing, and so is the stuff with Faust and Mephistopheles riding in their flying magic shroud (not carpet). And speaking of Satan, he’s played here with great gusto by Emil Jannings. You could tell Jannings was having a blast with the role, hamming it up and over-acting in the usual Silent ways, but in a way it fits his demonic character. His costume makes him almost like an early drag queen.
So this might sound like a supernatural melodrama to you, I beg you to give it a look. Is one of the most profound, important movies ever made, and if you don’t like the story, check out its filmmaking. Very few films come close.

The Dark Crystal

Many centuries ago, in a fantasy world, the urSkeks came from another world and are the guardians of the Crystal of Truth. When their own arrogance shatters the crystal, the urSkeks are separated into two different species: the Mystics, a wise and good race, and the evil and grotesque Skeksis, who take over the world and are masters of the crystal. Many centuries later, a prophecy tells of a Gelfling, one of the few survivors of it’s race after a massacre by the Skeksis, will rise and unite the two together and put and end to the death and suffering. That Gelfling turns out to be Jen, who is forced against his will to take on this monumental task. With the help of a cooky witch Aughrah and female Gelfling Kira, they go to repair the crystal and make things right once more.
I’m a huge fan of Jim Henson, and this is my favorite of his dark fantasy films he made during his downtime with the Muppets (which I also love). I like it more than Legend and the over-rated Labyrinth. The story itself is magical but epic at the same time, delving into the double nature of humanity, and how each of us has both a good and evil side. I also love the puppetry and special effects, which are pretty realistic in some cases, especially the Gelflings, who sometimes look like real elves. These creatures were designed by famous fantasy artist Brian Froud, and his wonderful talents can clearly be seen. Now, many have accused this film to be very dark. While I consider Legend to be much darker than this, there are some scenes that are genuinely scary. The crab-like creatures that work for the Skeksis are very weird and move in a frightening way, and the nightmarish sequences where they capture the locals of the area, the Podlings, will make people recall Nazis taking over Jewish ghettos. By the way, is it just me, or do the Podlings look like a more retarded version of the fraggless from Fraggle Rock? If there’s anything I didn’t like about this movie, it was the Podlings. You might as well write ‘cannon fodder’ on their foreheads, because you know they’re going to get fucked. Still, with all it’s darkness, a lot of greatness shines through. It’s a perfect fantasy film and a genius achievement in the world of muppetry and special effects, and I wish Jim Henson was still alive so he could make more movies like this.

GI Joe: The Movie

Ah, GI Joe. I grew up as a child in the eighties, so GI Joe was a big part of my life. I watched the cartoon, read the comics and collected the action figures. I loved the good guys and the bad guys alike. So when I heard this movie existed, I was shocked, since I had never heard of it. So I found a used copy on eBay and snatched it up, and was amazed at what I saw.
The movie is basically the same as the Transformers movie that came out in the eighties, basically an excuse to show off new characters to make action figures out of. The drama centers around Lt. Falcon (played by Don Johnson, yes THAT Don Johnson), step-brother of Duke, who is a rookie in the Joe ranks along with five other members. Cobra, and it’s leader Serpentor, have aligned themselves with Golobulus and the evil supernatural forces of Cobra-La, in one mayor global attempt at taking over the world by turning every human being (except themselves) into man-beasts. First I have to say, this movie has the most epic opening sequence I have ever seen in a cartoon film. It starts with the statue of liberty and the city of NY being attacked by Cobra, until the whole place is swarming with Joe’s, in what looks like World War 3. It’s an incredible sequence! Sadly the rest of the movie is nowhere near as good as this moment, but I have to say this movie is very well done, script-wise and animation-wise. It’s not as good as the Transformers animated movie, but then few things are.
I was very impressed with the talent they got involved for the voices. Not only is Mr. Miami Vice playing a lead, but there’s also Oscar-winner Burgess Meredith, Mickey from the Rocky movies, voicing the lead bad guy, giving it some unexpected real menace to the role. But I have to say, this movie was liked more for nostalgia than for anything else. I liked seeing Cobra Commander whining and screaming as usual, but most of my favorite characters, such as Scarlett, Snake Eyes, and The Baroness do nothing more but have glorified cameos. In the end, it’s a fun film and very entertaining, but more because of nostalgia than for anything else.


Here is a film that defies every rule of what makes great cinema and kicks it right on it’s MUTHA-FUCKIN’ ass. The story of an over-weight karate-hitting pimp and his army of karate whores taking revenge on the rival pimp who set him up and killed his cousin has been talked about for years, and will continue to be talked about as one of the most incredible, drug-induced hallucinatory films of all time. The child of the now-departed Rudy Ray Moore, the film grabbed the clichés of blaxploitation and took it for a walk. You have not seen cinema, hell, you do not know shit about cinema until you see the mightiness that is Dolemite.
Now granted, this greatness comes from just how bad this movie can get. After all, I defy you to watch a movie that has worse lighting, sound and editing problems. The music is pure cheese, and even the boom mike makes an appearance, almost as many as ten times (I wish I had counted)! The action scenes are silly and badly staged, having the grace of a Bruce Lee suffering of arthritis. But what makes the film the great piece of cinematic cheese that it is, is Dolemite himself, Rudy Ray Moore. The man kicks ass all over the place, does some jive-ass rapping, has an afro that would put some black men to shame and dresses like a pimp superhero. He also fucks everything in sight, which is incredible considering how over-weight he is, and has a face of a man who looks eternally drunk. His dialogue is some of the most hilarious in the history of cinema, cursing like a black sailor at a Klan rally. His name is the title of the movie for a reason, and when you see this film, you will be scarred for life. So I say, open up your heart, and your eyes, and watch the cinematic gold-colored shitstain that is Dolemite. You won’t regret it.

sábado, 22 de agosto de 2009


When I was a child, some of my earliest memories of going to watch a movie were with this one. I remember jumping about the theatre, trying to get to first row so I could watch it more closely, being enthralled by the action and scope the film has. I have re-watched it again and again as the years went by, and to this day, I still consider it the best Batman movie.
Now, a lot of people will give me shit about this, saying the two Nolan movies are better. And while I love The Dark Knight and get bored to tears with Batman Begins, I just can’t agree. This movie to me is everything a comic book movie should be about. Instead of taking a whole hour to give us a flashback about how Bruce Wayne became Batman (something that people don’t really give a crap about), our origin is sweet and just enough to keep the character being mysterious, the way he should be. The casting of Michael Keaton, the best Batman still, is genius in that sense, since you wouldn’t expect him to be this dark crime-fighter. This comes out during his Bruce Wayne scenes, where he’s charming, funny, and the type of guy who any woman could fall in love with. When he becomes Batman, he’s dark, mysterious and cool. Besides, Keaton can pull off a smirk like no other. On the other end of the spectrum, Jack Nicholson shines in the Joker role. While I will say that Heath Ledger made a scarier and cooler version of the Joker, I can’t deny that I love Nicholson’s performance. He really seems to be having fun with the character, making his quirky faces, going from one end of the spectrum of emotion to the other (mostly between calm and insane), and just really having a lot of fun causing chaos and destruction. His laugh is awesome, too.
The way the movie was made is more true to a comic book, as well. The time period seems to be a la-la land where it’s both modern and from the 1940’s, which goes well with the character. There is also something of a surreal tone with the locations. I mean nobody has seen buildings like the ones in this city, and that’s a good thing. And of course, you can’t go out without mentioning the great score by Danny Elfman. His music is what drives the movie, and in fact, sets most of the tone. It’s also very exciting and driven. The only bad thing with the score is the Prince stuff, but other than that, his music is perfect. It’s one of my favorite movies of all time.