I have to admit that the first time I saw this, I didn’t like it. When I was a child I was never into musicals, since I thought they were, you know, gay. A macho teenage boy like me would never watch something so, you know, gay. I didn’t understand why people thought it was a masterpiece, or why people were so impressed with such a simple plot. That plot, of course, being that of a famous silent actor Don Lockwood (Gene Kelly), who is on the spotlight all the time and is constantly harassed by the press, studio heads, and his co-star, the annoying monstrosity that is Lina Lamont (Jean Hagen). Only his best friend, Cosmo Brown (Donald O’Connor) is by his side. One night he meets a beautiful woman (Kathy, played by Debbie Reynolds), but both do more arguing than anything else. That’s the least of Don’s worries, however, since The Jazz Singer has just premiered and is a smash hit. Now he has to adapt to the new system, but his first movie in sound is a disaster. They decide to change the drama into a fun musical, and with the help of Kathy and Cosmo. But prima donna Lina is not happy, since her voice is completely unsuitable for talking pictures, and will stop at nothing to stop Kathy and Don to have a happy Hollywood career, and marriage, together, even if she has to take the studio down together.
I saw the movie again when I was in my first round of college, at the age of 21. I was over the whole anti-gay thing by then (I’m openly bisexual) and when I re-watched the film, I fell in love. For starters, let’s start with the direction of the film. This has some of the best sets I’ve seen in my life, and the lighting cues are dynamic, colorful and almost hallucinatory. The plotline, involving filmmaking and the end of silent films, really intrigued me and drove me into the story. And then there’s the cast! Gene Kelly was truly the ultimate movie threat, a true entertainer in every sense of the word: a singer, dancer, choreographer, stuntman, and director. Not to mention he was gorgeous! His character, like most of his films, is very likeable and relatable, and he’s very funny. His dancing is something to behold, particularly the ones he shares with his co-star Donald O’Connor, an equally talented performer. Two of the performances that they share together, Moses Supposes and Fit As A Fiddle (And Ready To Love) are so damn well made, you almost feel like you’re there watching them do it. Moses Supposes in particular shows what these two could do together. Of course, the most famous musical piece in the film is the main theme, Singin’ In The Rain, done beautifully in one of the best indoor sets I have ever seen in a movie.
The rest of the cast does beautifully. Debbie Reynolds is charming as the romantic lead, and has a wonderful voice and is also a beautiful dancer. While not as applauded as the other sequences she does, my favorite number of hers is All I Do Is Dream Of You, which is fun and shows both her talents very well. Jean Hagen however is the most memorable after Kelly, she almost steals the movie from him. She is definitely one of the most annoying, irritating characters in motion picture history, and was more than happy when she got her comeuppance.
This movie is now immortal. We know the story now before we even see it. The songs and musical numbers have been homaged in every part of our culture, from Kubrick’s A Clockwork Orange, Leon The Professional, Shanghai Nights and the Simpsons, and even Family Guy, who installs the song “Make ‘Em Laugh” into a porno store with lyrics changed to suit the situation, if you know what I mean. It’s one of the greatest films ever made, and comes highly recommended to those who have yet had the pleasure of watching it.
I used to love GI Joe when I was a kid, but if you read my blog you’d already know that since I reviewed the 80’s animated movie a few months ago. I had actually hesitated from watching this film, since by all honesty, it looked awful. The trailers were terrible, and the cast was not very inspired, to say the least. I’m not a big fan of Stephen Summers, and I was afraid that it would be the kind of film that glorified the military, not to mention when I saw what Cobra Commander would look like, I was completely flabbergasted. But after much talking and no watching, I decided to give this one a watch. Surely, it couldn’t be as bad as most of the stuff I watch, could it? Well, yes and no. 
As far as being faithful, it’s pretty much in the spirit of the cartoon and action figure series it was inspired from. Every ship looked like an 80’s toy submarine and the characters look like walking action figures. The story deals with the arrival of Duke (Channing Tatum) and Ripcord (Marlon Wayans) into the GI Joe unit, as they are trying to protect the world from nanotechnology-based warheads that can destroy everything they touch unless controlled not to. They are recruited to the GI Joe unit, who are hard at work trying to stop the evil arms dealer James McCullen (aka Destro, played by Christopher Eccleston) and his band of soldiers (The Professor, The Baroness, Storm Shadow, Zartan) to take the warheads and take over the world. Very simple plot, but very well done. The cast is half and half, with Channing Tatum being as charismatic or interesting as a bowl of chicken soup, while Marlon Wayans does his comedic schtick fine. 
Thankfully the rest of the Joes, played by Rachel Nichols (Scarlett), Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje as Heavy-Duty, Said Taghmaoui as Breaker and Ray Park as Snake Eyes, are pretty cool in their roles. Nichols looks helluva hot, while Ray Park is badass. The bad guys are pretty cool as well, with The Baroness, played by Sienna Miller, becoming a new object for my masturbation fantasies, even if her sudden change of character at the end almost made me vomit. Lee Byung-hun as Storm Shadow gives some real menace to his role. The best performance in the whole movie, however, comes from Joseph Gordon-Levitt in the role of The Professor, which is later revealed to be none other than Cobra Commander. He’s sly, he’s evil and has a very snake-like quality similar to that of the character in the TV series. I just wish he was wearing a costume similar to the original!
Stephen Sommers is a pretty bad director, but in here he is able to pull off at least one thing that makes him entertaining, and that is action. It’s all shot with great intensity and there is a lot of destruction to be had, particularly the sequences in France, and the final battle between Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow being as good as Park’s work on the Phantom Menace (the only good thing about that damn movie). But sadly, Sommers has absolutely no talent to directing actors or working with a script. He is similar to Michael Bay, only at least Sommers is more attached to geekier sensibilities, and even with it’s faults you can tell the man really loves the material he’s working with. Still, good intentions are not enough. The experience of watching GI Joe: The Rise Of Cobra is similar to playing a Metal Gear Solid game: the action is great, but you want to skip over the cut scenes.
The story is simple, it deals with a young James T. Kirk and a young Spock, and how the two would come to be part of the commanding of the starship Enterprise, and met their classic crew, all while trying to battle the evil Romulan Nero and his planet-destroying machine. JJ Abrams geniusly decided to re-adapt the classic Trek storyline, making it more action-filled and modern, but without losing the celebral angle that the series is known for. There are many elements of classic Star Trek, from the recognizable alien species to the ships, the classic music (and famous intro line), the Kobyashi Maru, green-skinned babes, and even the time-travel angle featured in most of the Star Trek mythology, it all pays respect to the classics. We even get to see Leonard Nimoy as Spock again! At the same time, the influence of the Star Wars trilogy and today’s modern science fiction films are felt as well, with it’s fast pace, rapid-fire space action sequences and we even have a planet-destroying weapon, similar to Star Wars.
The acting is mostly excellent. Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto stand out as Captain Kirk and Spock, both being able to channel the classic performances by Shatner and Nimoy while bringing their own personal touch. I was particularly impressed by Quinto, who was able to balance the human/Vulcan fights with emotions pretty damn well. I was almost scared of him when he got mad! Giving their characters more dimension were Zoe Saldana as Uhura and Simon Pegg as Scotty, they both take what were basically supporting characters and flesh them out, making them more memorable. John Cho (Sulu), Anton Yelchin (Chekov) and Ben Cross (Sarek) are also great. The only problem I had, and it wasn’t a big one, was with Karl Urban, who played Bones so similarly to the way DeForest Kelly played him that it was almost a bad impersonation. Eric Bana as Nero was also a disappointment. He had the elements to become a great, classic villain like Khan or the Klingons, but his lack of personality and character made him very forgettable. I also thought it was kind of weird to see Spock and Uhura in a romantic relationship. But other than that, this is a great film in the Star Trek universe, the best since First Contact, and I hope JJ will make more as good as this in the future.
From a description like the one I’ve just given, you’d expect to see something that is pretty damn sleazy and exploitative. Sadly, it’s far from it. This movie takes itself way too seriously for it’s own good, and it suffers for it. There is nothing wrong with making a drama about the inquisition, hell there are many goods ones like Haxan, Flavia The Heretic and The Devils, but while it aspired to reach those levels, it couldn’t go and revert to the ways of the more exploitive ones. It seemed like it didn’t know how to reach a balance, and this lack of confidence in the material hurt the story. I was more interested in the love story aspects, since they were the most interesting characters, and I liked the stuff with the inquisition since I think they make for great villains, but the third act, with the nuns writhing in agony trying to escape their prison, got tedious very quickly, and not even the revealing of naked flesh was enough to keep me interested.
The cast is pretty forgettable, with the exception of the beautiful Jenny Tamburi (from Fulci’s Seven Notes In Black) who not only does a good job as an innocent beauty, but shows off her body enough times not to make me fall asleep, and she has a nice behind. Sadly, she doesn’t show enough, hell this movie doesn’t show enough, and that’s the problem, it needs less seriousness and more sexyness. It’s a movie that promises much in the sleaze department, but leaves you wanting for more, and that my friends, is a sin.
I first heard of Black Devil Doll a few years ago when Shawn Lewis and Rotten Cotton began to announce it, since I’ve been a client for a while and loved their politically-incorrect style. I saw their behind the scenes pictures, read the screening reviews and eagerly awaited my chance to see it. Now that we finally have it on DVD, I have to say it was worth the wait, and how! Jonathan Lewis has made a true throwback to 70’s exploitation filmmaking, giving it a lot of homages while at the same time doing a parody of it. The movie might seem offensive to some, the main story being that of a black doll who rapes and kills women (and men), but those who find the film sexist, misogynistic or even racist are missing the point. This is a comedy, and a great one at that. The cinematography is very simple, and the score, by the musical group Giallo’s Flame, is very similar to that of 70’s horror films, particularly the Italian ones. I was actually thinking there’d be more blaxploitation elements, but with the exception of the character being a 70’s black revolutionary, there really aren’t many.
The acting is excellent. Lewis is able to give the doll a lot of energy and charisma, giving him one of the filthiest mouths in the history of cinema. Much like Dolemite, every line is hilarious and classic. The girls are beautiful as well, but Natasha Talonz shines in particular. She has a beautiful body, a beautiful face, and has a lot of talent, and not only that but she is one hell of a brave performer, spending most of her time naked and being the most enthusiastic in her love scenes with the infamous doll. I also saw her name in many crew positions during the credits, which made me fall in love with her even more. Miss Talonz, if you ever read this, contact me! I want to work with you in a movie someday!
This film has a cinematic predecessor, and it’s the similarly-named Black Devil Doll From Hell, a bad, torturous film by Chester Turner from the mid-80’s. With the release of this great film, I hope that classic piece of shit will soon be forgotten, and when people say “Black Devil Doll”, there will only be one to think of, this one.
I was completely Ghostbusters-obsessed. I had the action figures, watched the cartoon series religiously, even played the shitty video game for the NES. I would go to sleep with the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man doll, and would wear a proton accelerator toy, the one that showed pictures of ghosts, everywhere I went.
This film is basically a remake of Night of the Living Dead, only on an ever lower budget and with a much more fun tone. In fact, that’s the best way to describe this film: it’s fun. The action is pretty kick-ass when it happens, mostly focusing on hand-to-hand combat, and contains a lot of gore. The camerawork and lighting are mostly natural, making the zombies seem more like psychotic men than undead fiends. Acting-wise, the movie is half and half. The Matool character was really cool, kicking ass and not taking any shit, and I also like the fact that he’s named after the island in Zombi 2. Ross Kelly plays a pretty cool psychopath, and Kristin Hansen, who’s related to Gunnar Hansen from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, gives a very crazy, wacky, yet disturbing performance. The rest of the cast is nowhere near as interesting.
The plot has a lot of cool exploitative elements that many genre fans will surely appreciate. For example, Sassy has a sister who’s nothing more than an appendage stuck to her stomach, similar to films like Basket Case or Imprint. Nathan also keeps a naked zombie chained to the shed which he uses to fuck regularly. The music is excellent as well, performed by Chris Alexander, who used to write for Rue Morgue Magazine. His score is very reminiscent of Italian horror and giallos, kind of the stuff by Ennio Morricone. They add a really weird vibe that’s perfect for the kind of film. The rest of the soundtrack features really cool rock n’ roll that is shown in many indie horror films, and with good reason, as it adds to the ‘fun’ vibe.
Yes, this movie is fun. It’s entertaining, has a lot of exploitative elements, gore, and nudity, and the storyline is very over-the-top, culminating your typical gore-soaked ending. The film has many close elements to the Bruno Mattei shitfest, Hell Of The Living Dead, in that it’s more of a fun good time than a scary one. Unlike Hell Of The Living Dead, this movie is a good one, and comes very recommended.
If you think this movie doesn’t sound weird enough, it’s structured in a very episodic way. It doesn’t have one linear plotline, instead it features three different ones. The first is the already-mentioned werewolf episode, which features a weird witch that helps Charro find the identity of the werewolf by contacting a zombie to tell him! The werewolf transformation is also pretty wacky, in that he dissolves into a skeleton, and then dissolves into a werewolf! Apparently, just adding a bit of hair was too expensive. The werewolf costume looks like it was bought at a cheap Halloween store, and so does the monster in our second story, The Vampire. It deals with a vampire, of course, who goes around hunting for blood. When he takes possession of a supposedly-beautiful woman, Charro and his friends go to destroy the evil bloodsucker. While it was original that they decided to give the vampire a bat-like face, the effect doesn’t come off very well and it just looks like a deformed burn victim more than a bat. This vampire, of course, can turn into a bat. A white bat held by a very obvious string.
Our third story involves a Headless Horseman, trying like hell to kill a woman who carries his head in a bag. You see, if he regains the head, he’ll become a powerful monster. So El Charro goes to protect the young woman and the townsfolk from the evil Headless Horseman, but the inevitable happens and he obtains his head, ready for evil. Now only El Charro can stop him. This is my favorite of the stories as it’s the only one that reaches any level of creepiness, and it was mostly because of the Skeleton Monks, which reminded me of the Blind Dead Series. The severed head is obviously a rubber mask, and I couldn’t stop giggling when it moved it’s lips to talk.
So the production level on this film is far from excellent, it still has a lot of energy, fun and creepiness to be had. It’s kind of a horror movie for kids, and it has the spirit of the American serials of the 30’s. I wish they made a remake!
Legends is a Jason fan film that includes elements of Nightmare On Elm Street, and it’s one of the worst I’ve seen. The plot deals with a screenwriter named Michael, who has been hit with a bad case of writers block. His sister Laurie and 5 of their friends decide to take him out camping for the weekend. Their hope is that the fresh air will do him good. But what starts out as a fun trip turns into a terror when they discover they are all trapped in what they thought was only a movie. That’s right, Jason shows up and starts butchering them all, but sadly not quickly enough. For the positive, I have to say that the cinematography is excellent, especially for a shot-on-digital film. The colors are beautiful, the locations are great and the lighting runs from realistic to surreal. The makeup effects are also pretty damn good, and when Jason showed up I really cheered since his appearance is similar to that in Friday VII, with his huge bulk and skeletal rotting flesh.
Sadly that’s just about it when it comes to the positive. The acting is atrocious on every level, trying to act like ‘typical guys’ to the point where it’s too obvious. Didn’t the director ever think about saying ‘pull it back”? The actors even flub their dialogue repeatedly and it’s all left in the shot. Bad acting is coupled with bad dialogue, and the most horrifying example is a sequence in a campfire where they start talking about their favorite horror films. Like it wasn’t a cliché already to talk about old horror movies in horror films today (hello Scream), they have to get themselves into an argument about who’s better, Freddy or Pinhead. So let me get this straight, the movies exist in the film’s universe, but the characters are real as well? What kind of blatant lack for storytelling is this? As they argued all I could think was “Who gives a shit?!?” There is no suspense, no terror, and no point. Legends is the worst example you could find in the world of fan films, which most are pretty good. Legends however, is the antithesis of cinema and should be burned and buried to the ground.
Forget Austin Powers! If you want a great parody of James Bond, Weng Weng is the embodiment of everything that is over-the-top of Ian Fleming’s famous secret agent and turned to 11! Now, this movie in itself is pretty bad. The acting is bad, and the American dubbing in my copy makes every character sound ridiculous. But other than that, there is a lot of fun to be had with this movie. The action sequences are all cheesy as Hell, with the diminutive Weng Weng kicking all sorts of ass (by first bringing the henchmen to their knees) and getting assistance by his friends. He’s kinda freaky to look at though, since he always has a surprised look in his face. He can’t emote at all. He even has that face when, SPOILER, his girl dies at the end. And much like James Bond, he gets to have sex with a lot of women. His nipples are huge, do all dwarves have huge nipples? He also gets a lot of toys, like a hat with a razor (like Oddjob from Goldfinger) that he can control with a remote, a jet pack (AWESOME) and x-ray glasses that he mostly uses to look at naked women. Classy.
The greatest scene however, comes at the end when he finally gets to the mysterious Mr. Giant. You see, Mr. Giant is another dwarf! They begin to have some of the worst kung fu sequences since Cleopatra Jones, but that’s not the point. The sheer insanity of watching these two go at it, regardless of who wins, is so fucked up that you feel like you’re on acid, and you begin to question everything about your morality. Weng Weng would go on to make a sequel called The Impossible Kid, and then a western, The Wild Wild Weng, before he passed away in 1992. He will always be remembered as one of the greatest midget action stars, and even if his films were bad, they were always entertaining, in that weird kind of way. This is no exception, and if you want the perfect party movie, look no further. 
First off, I give the warning that this is not the recently-made Australian horror film with the same name. This picture however is one of the most impressive treasures that I have been able to discover, thanks to my purchase of the Ronald Reagan box set. The story deals with a young model named Marsha Mitchell (Ginger Rogers), who has come to a town in the South in order to visit her sister, Lucy (Doris Day). Not long after she arrives, however, she’s met with hostility from the people in the town, who don’t like interacting with strangers. Things turn for the worse when she is witness to a murder committed by the Ku Klux Klan, and she is even able to see the murderer’s faces! Too bad she did, as she discovers that her sister is not only married to one of these killers, but the one who pulled the trigger! Prosecutor Burt Rainey (Ronald Reagan) wants her to testify, but she’s not just worried about her sister’s love, but for the fact that her life is in danger if she tells the truth. After all, nobody wants the wrath of the Klan on their backs, or a bullet in the head.
I honestly felt I was going to see something that would be kind of funny. After all, the thought of seeing Ronald Reagan fighting Klansmen, with Ginger Rogers and Doris Day (better known for happy musicals) didn’t make me think I was going to see something dark and gritty. But dark and gritty is exactly what I got, as this is one helluva balls-to-the-wall film noir that ranks up there with the darkest of the dark ala T-Men or The Naked City. The photography is very stark black and white, showing the dark undercurrent behind the town and their Klan-run motives. This is a place where good is only a mask, and conspiracy and crime lay underneath. The performances here are incredible as well. I’m not a fan of Reagan as a president, but I definitely am as an actor, and this one he holds his own, playing one hell of a bad-ass prosecutor who has nothing but hate and disdain for the Klan. I mean this guy has balls of steel. In the third act’s Klan rally, the place full of the KKK, he walks up to the Imperial Wizard and tells him “Don’t pull those Halloween tricks on me!” Think about that for a second. This guy is so badass he should have been called Prosecutor Balls.
I was also surprised at the two leading ladies, Ginger Rogers and Doris Day. Now don’t get me wrong, I love these two women and I know they had more than enough talent to play dramatic roles, but I still find it hard that there was no music or dancing. I mean, even in Hitchcock’s Man Who Knew Too Much, Doris sings! But no, they play it straight, and they are great. Rogers is especially great as her tough but frightened character, and she is able to pull it off without being too much of a victim, just very realistic.
There is one mayor fault in this film however, and it has to be addressed, and that’s the portrayal of the Klan. Yes, they are evil motherfuckers, completely unsympathetic, cowardly and full of shit, just like in real life. But they are portrayed more like an Italian mob, in that they launder money and evade taxes, and kill those who are going to squeal. Nowhere in the film do they mention their fraternity lifestyle, and worst of all, there is no mention of any racism or hate crimes. In fact, there are no black men in the entire film. I wonder why they didn’t do this? I know blacks were still in the shit when it came to Hollywood, but it just doesn’t make sense. If they had been truthful to the material, and had them kill a black man instead of a white journalist, the movie would have had much more of an effect and, I believe, more staying power. This might be the reason why this movie is so obscure, even with the cast and near-perfect direction. But even with this blatant fault, this is an excellent film, superbly acted and directed. One of the best film noirs, and one of the most underrated.
