Flesh Gordon

This movie has a very infamous reputation, mainly for being one of the first ‘porno parodies’, in other words, a comedic parody of something mainstream. People looking for hardcore shots will be greatly disappointed, however, since it’s a softcore sex film that features close-ups of beavers once in a while, but nothing too explicit to cause you to get that aroused. No, this is a comedy, and a very good one at that. Taking the same plot of the 30’s Flash Gordon serials and making them more sexual in nature, we see Flesh Gordon (Jason Williams), Dale Ardor (Suzanna Fields) and Dr. Jerkoff (Joseph Hudgins) taking a rocket ship shaped like a cock and traveling through space to a planet where strange sex rays are originating from, bombarding the Earth and making them turn horny. There, the three heroes must face all sorts of perils, from a gang of voracious lesbians, penis-shaped dragons, a giant monster and the evil forces of Emperor Wang The Perverted (a take on the classic Flash Gordon hero, Emperor Ming).
Now, I’ve seen the original serials, and I own the infamous 1980 adaptation featuring the music of Queen, but this is by far my favorite incarnation. It’s just really funny, with some very good dialogue (Good, there’s oxygen on the planet) and hilarious situations, such as the wedding where Emperor Wang is wearing the wedding dress. Acting wise, our three main characters are pretty bland, but I guess it fits their roles, as Flesh is supposed to be your typical American white boy and Suzanna Fields is there to get naked and receive some sex. More interesting are the villains. William Hunt, who plays Emperor Wang, is hilarious and wears some truly over-the-top makeup that would make Max Von Sidow blush. Another memorable performance comes from 70’s big tit queen Candy Samples, who plays the queen of the lesbian gang who try and rape Suzanna Fields.
My favorite part of the film, however, will have to be the special effects, which are truly awesome. We get a ton of photographic effects, but best of all, a ton of stop-motion animation! That’s right, my favorite kind of animation is featured here and in all it’s splendor. We get the before-mentioned cock dragons, who when they close their eyes look like real cocks, and robotic chickens who also look hilarious, but nothing beats the end’s giant monster, who looks like the inbred brother of the Kraken from Clash of the Titans (although to be fair, this movie came out a decade later). Even more hilarious is the fact that the voice, done by Coach actor Craig T. Nelson, is done in a sophisticated, soft-spoken type, even when he’s shouting profanities. It kind of reminded me of Bing Crosby’s voice, which made it a little more disturbing. So yes, this isn’t really a porno as you might think, but it’s a truly hilarious comedy full of good acting and classic special effects, and comes highly recommended.